Have you ever given an unflattering performance of conflict in the workplace or observed one? When words challenge, voices are raised, and eyes glare, not much rational, helpful information is being shared. Many of us grew up being told conflict was bad, unhealthy, and to be avoided. Many of us didn’t learn or haven’t learned how to deal with conflict other than to be listen and then talk behind the person’s back or to explode!

I’ve been thinking about conflict in the workplace lately. I think we may experience more of it as positions are deleted, employees are asked to do even more with even less, and personal financial plans fall victim to the economic struggle of today.

Conflict is normal and necessary. Relationships that have not stood the test of differences of opinion don’t have deep roots. Conflict doesn’t have to mean yelling, screaming, interrupting, hitting, slamming doors, and walking out.

If I say, “I just don’t understand you!” the problem is with me and my understanding, not with you, however much I may try to make it your problem. That leads us to arguing about who is at fault, who is to blame. The difficulty is that I or we both have blinders on that keep us digging in, supporting our own point of view at all cost.

Healthy conflict is disagreeing in harmony. It happens when I don’t say things like:

“You’re wrong!”

“I’m right!”

“I disagree!”

It happens when I do say things like:

“Have you thought about . . . .?”

“It seems to me . . .”

When I say those kinds of things, I open the door to being able to say, “I may be wrong and you may be right about . . .”

Here are two tips I’ve learned about conflict

1. I must learn to listen to understand at least two points of view, mine and yours.
2. I must learn to confront, tell, share my point of view in a way that you can listen to understand.

Healthy conflict leads me or forces me to new arenas of thought. Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., said, “A mind once stretched by a new idea never regains its original dimensions.” Maybe that’s how we should think about conflict: Not as stretching us to our breaking point where we scream and shout, but stretching our minds in ways that lead to growth.

I hope your next conflict will be a mind-stretching opportunity for growth!